There are three dogs waiting to see the vet a terrier a toy poddle and a great dane. The poddle asks the terrier what he’s in for and the terrier says "I was doing fine with my owners until the baby came and they stoped even looking at me. I got mad and bit the baby. So there puting me down.
The terrier then asks the poddle what she’s in for and the puddle says "Im just getting old and mean. I bite when ever i can so there puting me down. The terrier and the poddle then ask the great dane why he’s here and he says "I live with a beautiful super model who walk around the house naked alot. One day she dropped something and bent down to get it. I was right behind her and I could not stop myself. I jumped up on her and humped her like there was no tomorrow.
The terrier then says "so she’s puting you down" and hangs his head in sadness. The great dane replys "No I’m just here to have my nails clipped!"

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.

He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"

That was the last thing he could remember!

The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians...
>>
>> The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor
>> of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before
>> I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first
>> request?'
>>
>> The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.'
>>
>> The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who
>> whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening,
>> Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian
>> Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the
>> night.
>>
>> The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a
>> very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is
>> your second request?'
>>
>> The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to
>> him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes
>> off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
>>
>> Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this
>> time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters
>> the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
>>
>> The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are
>> indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. 'What is
>> your last request?'
>>
>> The Lone Ranger responds , 'I'd like to speak to my horse...alone.'
>>
>> The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone
>> Ranger's tent.
>>
>> Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him
>> square in the eye and says, 'Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse.
>> For the last time . . BRING POSSEEEE'
>>
>
>

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his
> mom on top of his
> dad bouncing up and down.. the mom sees her son and quickly
> dismounts,
> worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly
> and goes to
> find him.
>
> The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad
> doing?'
>
> The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big
> tummy and
> sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten
> it.'
>
> 'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
>
> 'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
>
> 'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes
> over and gets on her
> knees and blows it right back up.'
>
>

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office
>
> why you are
>
> there, and you have to answer in front of others what's
>
> wrong and
>
> sometimes it is embarrassing.
>
>
>
> There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who
>
> insists you tell
>
> her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
>
> patients. I know most
>
> of us have experienced this, and I love the way this
>
> old guy handled it.
>
>
>
> An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room
>
> and approached the
>
> desk.... The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you
>
> seeing the Doctor
>
> for today?'
>
>
>
> 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
>
>
>
> The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You
>
> shouldn't come into a
>
> crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
>
>
>
> 'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,'
>
> he said.
>
>
>
> The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some
>
> embarrassment in this
>
> room full of people. You should have said there is
>
> something wrong with
>
> your ear or something and discussed the problem further
>
> with the Doctor
>
> in private.'
>
>
>
> The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in
>
> a room full of
>
> strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.'
>
>
>
> The man wal ked out, waited several minutes and then
>
> re-entered.
>
>
>
> The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
>
>
>
> 'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.
>
>
>
> The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing
>
> he had taken her
>
> advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??'
>
>
>
> 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
>
>
>
> The waiting room erupted in laughter.
>
>
>
> Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>