GREAT BRITAIN -- A toothbrush was used to relieve a different "cavity" when a pensioner decided to use the dental instrument to scratch his hemorrhoids. The 69-year-old man ordered into the hospital after the toothbrush became lodged in his rectum. An X-ray revealed it was deep inside near his pelvis. Although this was first recorded case of a toothbrush having to be removed from the rectum, the British Dental Journal reports doctors have recovered toothbrush holders, toothbrush packages and toothpicks in the past.

A good friend here on the stream let me borrowthis to put on.Thanks Mr. D.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his
wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she
could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go
turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing
things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and
he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he
should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when
available. George said, "Okay, "
hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just
called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well,
you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed
Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and
caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I
thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said
there was nobody available!"

"Hello,is this here the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" I'm calling to report my neighbor,Virgil Smith. He's drillin holesin his farwood and hidin marijuana inside! "Thank you very much for the call sir". The next day,the Sheriff and his deputies descend on Virgil's house.They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes,they split every peice of wood,but found no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house."Hey, Virgil! This here Floyd. Did the Sheriff come"? "Yeah". "Did they split yer farwood?" "Yep". "Happy Birthday buddie!" { Who says we rednecks are'nt real bright?"}

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"

"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKYS. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS