A woman wearing a real tight dress, and carrying a bunch of
packages tries to get on a bus. She can't get up the step so she
reaches behind and drops the zipper on her skirt a little, tries
again and still can't make it, so she drops her skirt zipper a bit
more, still no luck, she reaches back drops her skirt zipper a
bunch and the guy behind her gooses her, picks her up, carries
her on the bus, pays both fares, sets her down and kisses her
left breast. The woman slaps him, and the guy says, "Honey after
you pulled my zipper down the third time, I figured we were
friends."

>TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD IN
> VICTORIA'S SECRET:
> >
> >10. Does this come in children's sizes?
> >
> >9. No Thanks. Just Sniffing..
> >
> >8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
> >
> >7. Mom will love this.
> >
> >6. Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
> >
> >5. No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
> >
> >4. Will you model this for me???
> >
> >3. The Miracle What??? This is better than world
> peace!!
> >
> >2. Oh, honey, I'll never fit into that.
> >
> >And the number one thing that a man should never,
> ever say out loud in
> >Victoria's Secret:
> >
> >1. 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED
> anyway!!
> >
> >
> >
> >

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home."

And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!"

A preacher was walking down the sidewalk one day and noticed a little boy sitting on the curb. The little boy would pop a m&m in his mouth pick up his cat that was sitting on his lap and bite it and slide down the curb.
This interested the preacher so he kept watching the little boy and after two repeat performances asked the little boy what he was doing?
The little boy replied, "Preacher, I'm playing truckdriver" The preacher was confused and said "What" The little boy repeated that he was playing truck driver, "You see", the little boy said, "I'm popping pills, eating pu**y and sliding on down the road"......

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