Three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let him go. The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

A man is walking on the beach when he trips over a lamp. A few seconds later, a genie pops out and says, "I’m required to grant three wishes, but since you did not treat my lamp with respect, I will give twice what you get to the person you hate most—your boss."

The man agrees and makes his first wish: "I want lots of money." Instantly $20 million appears in bags on the beach, and $40 million appears in his boss’ bank account.

Next the man asks for an incredible sports car. Instantly a Lamborghini appears, and at the same moment, two show up outside his boss’ house.

Finally the genie says, "You have but one wish left; you should choose carefully."

The man says, "Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney."

A man goes to the doctors in an ambulance. He says: “Doctor, doctor!” And then he faints. The patient’s family gathers to hear what the specialists have to say. “Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.” “Well, how much does a brain cost?” ask the relatives. “For a male brain, 500,000 euro. For a female brain, 200,000 euro.” Some of the younger male relatives try to look shocked, but all the men nodd in understanding, and a few actually smirk. Then the patient’s daughter asks: “Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?” “A standard pricing practice,” says the head of the team. “Women’s brains have to be marked down because they are used.”

T wo couples were playing poker one evening.John accidently dropped some cards on the floor.When he bent down under the table to pick them up he noticed Bill's wife Sue was'nt wearing any uderwear under her dress! Shocked by this,John upon trying to sit back up again,hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.Later,Johnwent to the kitchen to get some refreshments.Bill's wife followed and asked"Did you see anything you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness,John courageously admitted that well indeed he did. She said "Well you can have it but it will cost you $500.00. After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer,John confirms that he is intersted.She tells him since her husband Bill works Friday afternoon and John does'nt,John should be at her house around 2:00 Friday afternoon.When Friday rolls around,John showed up at Bill's house at 2 pm sharp,after paying Sue the 500.00 they went into the bedroom and closed their transaction.John quickly dressed and left.As usual Bill came home from work at 6:00 pm and upon entering the house asked his wife abruptly,"Did John come by the house this afternoon"? With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes,he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,"And did he give you $500.oo?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face."Well yes, in fact he did give me $500.00."Bill with a satisfied look on his face,surprised his wife by saying,"Good I was hoping he did.John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500.00 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back. Now that my friends is a poker player!