Three men went hunting in a dense forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle, and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, "We gotta get Elmer to da hospital quick or he's gonna die."

"How 'er we gonna carry 'em?" Stan asked. "Why Elmer, he weighs a good two hunnert pounds."

"Hell Stan! That ain't nuttin'," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out bigge 'n 'at, all da time. We kin do it da same way." Walt was right.

In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the emergency room door, and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it." Walt said, "Yeah, I thought dat gunshot hit 'em in da heart."

"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went above the heart and through the shoulder. His chest was only covered with blood, but he might have been able to survive that."

"Damn-it Stan! I told ya we shouldn't a tied 'em to da hood. All dem tree branches smackin' into 'em for da first five miles probably beat 'em to death!"

"No," said the doctor. "His clothes were ripped to shreds and his body was covered with lacerations, but he might have been able to survive that, too.'

"See, Walt! I kept tellin' ya to hold your end up higher 'cause dat sapling was too thin. When we tied his hands and legs to it, his head kept hittin' da rocks and logs. An' I'm sure he drowned when we crossed dat crick."

"Sh** Stan! You was da one dat dropped your end of the pole when you fell off dat rock. Poor old Elmer musta been unner water a whole minute while you was fumbling around with that pole an' fallin' all over yaself."

"Now fellas," said the doctor. "Elmer's skull was cracked and he did have massive head injuries. But he didn't drown, and he might have been able to survive that, too."

Stan and Walt looked at each other with puzzled expressions, then asked the doctor, "Den what wuz it?" The doctor thought for a few moments and said, "My guess is that the field dressing probably had a lot to do with it."

Well I kind of wonder what the hell is going on here in blogstream! Now I'm losing another friend here,and the only way I can get to be accepted to her new new blog is to ask!And I will tell ya right now its my friend BELLA!So all of ya crazies out there ,leave the good people alone and talk to ya your KInd! My friend Bella is a VERY sweet person and a good person!So I'm Telling ya right now leave HER {BELLA} the fuck alone!She"s been on here a Hell of a lot longer than I have and she certainly deserves a lot more respect than you"lll ever GET! So Back OFF Bitch Or Bastard!

Day 1

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.

Day 4

A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work.I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5

What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6

Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.

Day 7

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8

I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9

No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10

Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11

I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.

Day 12

I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...

Day 13

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the ******.

Day 14

I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me!

Day 15

I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on.
The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over anymore.
Last night I told him to go and **** himself and he did.

Day 16

The ******* has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference...Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18

He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him.
What absolute bliss!

A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old,
were playing in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little
boy farts, causing a little sand between his legs to shift.
The little girl notices, and squeals with laughter. 'How'd you do that?" she asks. "Easy, " he exclaimed, "I just farted."
"Can I try it, " she ask. "Sure, " he says, "anybody can do it."
She concentrates as she strains and grunts. Suddenly,
there's a huge explosion, the sides of the sandbox
fly off, all the sand flies out, and the little boy is thrown
20 feet, landing up against a tree. He groggily gets to his feet, runs back to where the little
girl is. He finds her laying on the ground, out cold, flat
on her back, spread eagle. Curiously, he lifts up her dress,
peeks underneath, and loudly exclaims, "No wonder,
dual exhaust."

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed a large billboard sign advertising free sex with a 15 gallon fill-up of gas. Thinking this sounded like too good of a deal to be true, they both decided to check it out and went into town and stopped at the gas station.

They filled up their car with gas and went inside to pay. Before handing over the money, they asked the station manager about the free sex. "Well," said the manager, "it's not quite that simple. First you need to take a simple test and if you pass, you get the free sex. What you do is try and guess the number I am thinking of between One and Five."

The men looked at each other and decided to try the number, 'three'. "Wrong," said the manager, the number I was thinking of was' two', but you can come back again and try to win."

The Norwegian men left the gas station disappointed and drove away. While in their car, one looks over and says to the other, "Hey, Ole, I bet that manager cheated us. You know he could have said any number and how would we know if it was the right number?"

His friend looked at him and replied, "No you're wrong, he didn't cheat us. My wife won four times just last week!"